All the guests stopped and stared at Linzi and Maxine as they arrived at the ball with their ex-gerbil boyfriends in tow.
‘They love us!’ squealed Linzi in delight as some photographers from OMG! And Wow! pushed cameras into their faces and snapped away.
What the sisters didn’t realise is that the journalists were already conjuring up headlines to go with the photos such as Extreme Botched Up Makeover and Ugly Sisters Go Plastic Fantastic.
As soon as the two sisters spotted Prince Charming mingling with the crowd, they made a beeline for him.
‘Ooh Prince Charming, ‘ow charming it is to see you!’ said Maxine insincerely as she attempted to sip a flute of champagne in a sexual fashion.
‘Yes,’ agreed Linzi pushing her breasts towards the prince and pursing her lips, ‘you really do live up to your name – Prince Charming.’
‘Linzi...Maxine,’ said Prince Charming backing away slowly, ‘how...um...splendid it is to see you...but my God what have you done to your faces?!’
‘What do you mean?!” asked Maxine angrily. ‘This is all natural!’
Then the prince spotted the two formerly rodent hunks loitering near the entrance and was suddenly distracted.
‘Ooh hello boys!’ said Prince Charming enthusiastically.
Meanwhile, Cinderella was solemnly sitting by the fountain outside the castle and contemplating how her ‘happily ever after’ had not turned out to be quite as happy as she had originally hoped. She had known that her marriage had been a sham from almost the very beginning. It turned out that Charming didn’t want a wife at all, he wanted a fag hag. Cinderella blamed herself for not picking up on it at the start when the prince had taken such an enthusiastic interest in her footwear.
Suddenly a pillar of purple smoke materialised beside her, and the form of the Fairy Godfather, still in his pinstripe suit, but now with a clean tie, emerged from within.
‘Hey doll, why the long face eh?’ asked the Fairy Godfather.
‘Agh!’ anguished Cinderella. ‘Another flippin’ fairy, just what I needed!’
‘You better watch your mouth bitch, or I’ll sew it up for you,’ retorted the Fairy Godfather angrily.
‘Leave her alone Larry!’ came an unexpected voice from the other side of the courtyard.
When they looked they saw a familiar frumpy woman marching towards them. She was dressed in a white dress and holding a wand with a star at the end.
‘Marjorie, what are you doing here eh?!’ shouted the Fairy Godfather. ‘This is my patch, can’t you see I’m doing business here?’
‘You keep away from Cinderella Larry,’ said Marjorie – a.k.a. The Fairy Godmother, ‘she’s under my protection.’
‘Not for much longer!’ laughed the Fairy Godfather, conjuring up purple smoke and getting ready to make a quick exit. ‘When those two ugly broads catch up with her, it’s gonna get even uglier!’
However, before he had a chance to vanish, the Fairy Godmother zapped him with her wand and transformed him into a frog. Then she trampled the fairy amphibian into a mushy green paste with her stilettos.
‘Now there’s one frog you don’t want to kiss,’ said the Fairy Godmother. ‘Good riddance Larry, I should have done that to you a long time ago!’
‘But what was he talking about?’ asked Cinderella. ‘What ugly broads?’
‘Oh, it’s just Linzi and Maxine,’ said the Fairy Godmother. ‘They thought they could break your heart by stealing the heart of Prince Charming.’
‘Well, that’s not going to work,’ shrugged Cinderella.
‘I know,’ agreed the Fairy Godmother. ‘Look, there they go now.’
They watched with raised eyebrows as Linzi and Maxine ran in tears from the castle.
‘What’s up with them?’ asked Cinderella.
‘Take a look,’ said the Fairy Godmother pointing at the entrance to the castle.
Cinderella’s face fell as she looked and saw Prince Charming standing in the archway, snogging the face off one of the magic hunks.
‘Don’t worry Cinderella,’ said the Fairy Godmother, ‘it’ll be over by midnight when his new boyfriend turns back into a gerbil.’
‘And then what?’ asked Cinderella sadly. ‘He’s never going to want me.’
The Fairy Godmother stared thoughtfully at her wand for a moment, and then turned and looked at Cinderella.
‘Ever thought of having a sex change?’ she asked.
And from that day onwards, Cinderella became known as Cinderfella, and he and Prince Charming lived happily ever after.
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